The Becoming

I breathe in The Becoming
Who breathed into me
In the beginning, changing
A corner of eternity.

I glimpse The Becoming
As through a glass darkly.
The color is still true
And bright enough to see.

I hear The Becoming
In a small voice that I perceive
Sending me toward daring
With assurance I believe....

He is imaging again
The dream that He did not duplicate,
The secret that He reserved
To bring to me and intimate.

In the night,
He is flame again,
Refusing to let die
What He began.

A road in a dream
Straightens along the way
Toward the familiar sound of music
In a faintly stirring day.

In the cold,
A tree the color of fire
Blanketed seed on hard ground
So the new stand will spring to life.

Death's color was bold
But still served the cause
Of regenereation; the snow
Wept brith waters from its thaw.

In this awakening,
Green comes softly through intimidation
Of stony earth; wings of butterflies unfold like hopes
Stirring from the still chrysalis of imagination.

Wrapped in all of this reminder
Against the threat of futility,
I defy the doom of tormentors
To see, hear, and believe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This piece started with the image of the chrysalis in Stanza 9. I wrote it with a certain human condition in mind: opposition so fierce and persistent that leads to a crossroad of trying to go on despite the weariness, or giving up and going down in despair. Nature itself teaches us that, on this earth, the trappings of death can actually be part of the mechanism that brings new life, and shouldn't cause us to cast aside all hope that God can indeed do a new thing. Here, He's represented as The Becoming, on the presumption that the information that I received on The Becoming One being a more accurate translation of I AM THAT I AM is correct. The imperative of life and creation still prevails in the end.

I think it's ironic that the inspiration first came in autumn (I encountered the tree casting maroon leaves in the cold wind not long after the first image developed), and it finally all came together and insisted on being written right before spring. Although I've got some discomfort with the cadence of the poem, I think the message is important enough to pass on, however imperfectly it may be packaged.

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." John 12:24

The Unfolding

Like any parent of more than one child, the Father sees in each of us some unique piece of Himself, a rib that still fits into His chest. We are irreplacably connected. Since He sees the end from the beginning, He's able to trace the way that the rose will open, even when it's tightly clenched with full light not yet at its center. The finished picture remains in His mind, and the process of unfolding is expected and doesn't drive Him away. He is light without darkness, and has also endowed us with the instinct to progress toward day fully realized.'

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.”- Proverbs 19:20-21

A Day at the Rez--December 30, 2008

Brandon and I had a landmark day going to the Omaha and Winnebago reservations as part of his Christmas gift. He experienced as sense of connection, since he actually has a bit of Native ancestry (he's 1/16th Cherokee), and got to see old friends and meet new ones in the process of doing some Mi'Jhu'Wi Ministries administration.

The trip actually started for me with some passages from Is. 63 that our pastor read at church. You know you're in the right place when the Holy Spirit talks to you through the sermon BEFORE you tell your pastor what you're doing. Several passages stood out to me as concerning the trip and the ministry on the res, particularly v. 17b:
"....Return for the sake of your servants,
the tribes that are your inheritance."
The Omaha Nation adopted Christianity about 150 years ago or so according to what I've been reading, and you still find quite a few that equate Jesus with Waconda/Creator on both reservations. I have a feeling that He's aware of the challenges they're facing and wanting to intervene, with our cooperation.

We asked several people to pray for us as we went up, since the car has been needing some attention, it's winter, it was really windy, and, welI....I seriously hoped not to offend or concern anyone by our presence. We hooked up with Karen at her mother's house when we reached Walthill, so that wasn't an issue. I feel pretty loved up there, actually, among the people that I've met so far, but we take care to be respectful and go about things correctly. We specifically called our friends, Lee and Andy, for prayer as we pulled out of town only 15 minutes after our goal departure time despite having to reload all of the stuff that we'd collected for a mom that had been called to our attention by her manager at the hospital in Winnebago. It was a good thing, too, since there was some frost on the road. His Social Security attorney called about a mile before the exit, and I handed him the phone. She was reassuring him that she'd secure his arrearage payment (HELLO, YWAM MINISTRY TRAINING AFTER JOB CORPS!) as I got onto the ramp and swerved toward the 15' dropoff. We swerved the other direction, in front of the car that had pulled off to let us have the dance floor, and finally got corrected and onto the highway. I'd unloaded part of the Pepsi I'd been drinking for energy into my lap during this process, which led to our adventure in Fremont.

We got to Fremont, and stopped to get some dish soap for the mother who was getting eight boxes of dishes (which ended up under the seat and hasn't gotten to her yet), and generally regroup. I noticed that the Pepsi was more noticeable when I walked around in the January wind outside of McDonald's. All of a sudden, I receivedeth a word of wisdom from the Holy Spirit, I think--I took my inconvenience to the ladies' room and resolved it with five or six cycles of the hand dryer! I call it a word of wisdom, since you don't find any guidance in Acts in the missionary journeys of Paul concerning a stop at the Damascus McDonald's to dry the Pepsi out of his prayer shawl with the air dryer in the men's room.

We checked in with Karen (who was charged up to get us there, and was making me feel loved again), and took off. About halfway between Fremont and Walthill, we got to be grateful for our prayer cover again as we saw a van on its top down another 15' embankment. I was granted some clear-headed wisdom and discretion on our speed, and we avoided that fate.

Brandon got some revelation of humility and attitude correction an hour or so later as we crossed the southern border of the res and came into those gorgeous hills. There is a sweet, peaceful presence of God there. I've felt as though I followed Him there to accomplish some good things, based on some mental pictures I've run across during prayer times. We pulled into Walthill, and just spent some time catching up with John and Karen about the ministry and our lives in general since they moved up there to take care of her mother. Holidays are about family, and I consider our friends to be family in the ways that count.

We took some of the boxes out of my car to get Karen to fit and put them into her Rover. From there, we headed up to the AllNative store in Winnebago to get Brandon's Christmas hat. It looked like Stevie Ray Vaughn's (minus the band, which he'll search for), and the money went into the Winnebago tribal coffers. We confined our shopping to just that store, and left to one a few doors down for another day. It's a little bit like going through an art gallery to go in there, since all of the product is produced by Native artisans. We did go around the circle of wooden statues depicting members of the twelve clans of the Winnebago that's in front of that store, which is a majestic sight. While we were shopping, I called Audrey at the hospital to see if we could visit with her that afternoon which she was more than happy to do.

Karen had wanted to show us some of the art in the hospital, so we sort of wandered slowly toward the reception desk. As with the Indian Center in Lincoln, there is a rounded opening that extends to the roof that's pretty breathtaking. Not only did Audrey receive us, but she introduced us to the mom she'd asked us to help, who'd gotten the two little ones recovered enough from surgery to return to work. She also brought out a few other ladies, and we had quite a meeting there in the hall for about a half-hour or so. We'll be working with them to help some of the families that come through the system there (I just sent out the first list). I love to instantly connect with people in the way that we did! She then took us upstairs to see the Spiritual Room. Karen mentioned that she'd have to ask the relatives for funeral guidance when Mom's time came, and then remembered later in the day that she'd actually been talking to an in-law! We spent awhile longer just looking at the art, including a painting called "Friends" that I loved, because it concerned Natives and whites working together.

From there, we went to Macy, which is the Omaha tribal headquarters. The tribal office building is distinctive in that it has some extra sides (I'm trying to recall for sure if it's seven). We went inside to see the pillars representing the seven clans of the Omaha, and take a quick look around to see if we could locate some people that we knew with a few minutes on their hands. That didn't happen, so we headed back to Walthill to do some delivering.

The first step was to do some locating. We had an address and now a set of directions, but it took us awhile to put it together. We got to get better acquainted with the town that way, at least. We finally got there and unloaded what we had in the car, and went back for the rest. I'll send a quick thank you here to everyone who sent something along with me or through the mail, with official thank you letters to follow.

On that note, we headed home. The fatigue disorder that I've been battling for a few years was asserting itself by then. We had another windy drive home with no difficulties that we took at our own pace so that we could talk and compare notes. I think we came over the hill to a panorama of the lights of Lincoln just as the sun had gone down, which is a dramatic change after being in a largely pastoral environment. Many things are different between those two places, but the same basic things are true and important in both.

Thursday Thirteen #10: The Bucket List

Recently, a movie called The Bucket List illustrated the goals that two terminal patients wanted to achieve before the end came and they "kicked the bucket". I'm not writing mine because I expect to die anytime soon, since the chronic malady of whatever nature seems to be waning on the whole, but because I had this question in my heart for some time that keeps asking me 'what do you want?' rather persistently. In the past, interesting things that shouldn't have been possible (or simple, at least) have unfolded before my wondering eyes when I've dared to ask for some of the things that I deeply wanted to experience. I'm thinking that I should step over the disappointments and start asking again.

1. I want to go back to school, and get a degree that's an active choice rather than the best of a small and limited selection of choices. The longer I go, the more I lean toward some sort of human service or Sociology degree. There are a lot of people who need a lot of help. I would like to become a licensed clergyperson, whatever major I took. For a lot of the things that I want to do, it might be a helpful door-opener. I would also love to pick up whatever study tools they could show me. A lot of the people I've known have done that through correspondence.

2. I'd like to have the energy to get out all the instructional material that I've got for such things as guitars and piano and various languages and put them to use. I think I'll make that one happen to some degree, eventually.

3. I would like to be healthy again--enough said there. I would particularly like to be at a healthy weight. I've actually found some things that substantially help, so that's encouraging.

4. I would like to meet all of my online friends in person, at least once.

5. I would like to have a stable, secure living situation that "felt right". I'm very grateful for the present degree of stability that I have after what's happened in the last two years of my life, but it's not the best fit. I hope that's not too terribly ungrateful.

6. I would like to put my feet on two lands for which I've done a lot of prayer: the Omaha reservation, and Israel. The former may happen within the next few weeks!

7. Appropriately in the "7" slot is my dream of seeing the 77s live and fully staffed, and getting a copy of the new album as the moment unfolds. That also actually has a chance of happening if I can find a way to get to Ames, IA on June 24th!

8. I would like to see my son in a stable and enjoyable career. I put this in the "8" slot, because it's said to be symbolic of new beginnings.

9. I wouldn't mind being in a stable career myself. I'd like to have one that complemented the type of ministry into which so much of my heart has been invested.

10. I would like for the isolation created by the astronomical gas prices and my income of late to be resolved. It somehow doesn't feel right to be missing this much of people, events, opportunities, etc.

11. As my father's child still, I would love to own a good horse that lived right outside my window.

12. I want to have my inner man strengthened to know the height, depth, breadth and length of the love of Christ, according to Eph. 3. I'd really like to be so convinced that it never entered my mind to question it. When I read the life of Paul and some others that were 110% serious about God, I find it easier to grasp that He loves despite all the things that have happened.

13. I would like to figure out the nature of this vast, unmet, nameless need in the depths of my being, and have it fulfilled.

Thursday Thirteen #9: Lively Stones

1 Peter 2:5
"you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ."

I was thinking the other day about how some of the people I've met have seem to stick. That's not happened with everyone I've met, but some have gone the distance. I wanted to list thirteen characteristics that I think are important to building relationships that last.

1. Honesty--You know when someone's not being straight with you (or find out in unhappy ways), and it creates discomfort and distrust.

2. Consideration--Paul tells us in Eph. 4:15 to speak our truth in love. Love thinks the best, and puts things in the most harmless light that it can.

3. Listening--Another good scripture on relationships is James 1:19. It starts out, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak...."

4. Patience--The rest of the verse says, "....and slow to become angry." A valuable person merits some self-control on our part when they're not at their best.

5. Loyalty--We can sometimes hear unflattering things about our friends in the oddest places. It behooves us to present their good side, whether or not it leaves the conversation comfortably flattering to us.

6. Diligence--Our circumstances sometimes make it hard for us to do a good job of keeping regular contact, but the effort that someone takes to send the briefest greeting are so appreciated!

7. Helpfulness--Life can be a handful. Coming alongside a friend that's struggling tells them that they're not alone. I'll be at a horse funeral this weekend for a friend that's had the old guy for well more than 20 years, because that's what friends do. Friends also help put the fence back up after the backhoe leaves.

8. Sharing--Among my most meaningful possessions are my books and albums. I've passed out copies of several friends' albums to several friends so that they could share the experience.

9. Laughing--I love the times when a conversation takes off into gales of glee. Those moments get remembered long after others are forgotten. I have a sense of humor that ranges deep into the theatre of the absurd at times, and I value the people in my life that don't look at me funny when I'm weaving strange tales.

10. Weeping--True friends are the ones that don't leave when things aren't fun anymore. I it when I have people suffering states away that I can't be near.

11. Planning--Fun is often more fun in groups. I have a concert coming up next month that I just might be able to make if all goes ideally, and am wondering if I should seek out a travelling companion.

12. Remembering--It's possible to rehash the event for years after the fact, particularly if someone brings the camera.

13. Praying--I try to wrap prayer in and through everything. With prayer, we form the threefold cord that's not easily broken. We help carry the weight of career transitions and troubled children, and draw farther into the presence of God together. He is the best friend that makes it possible for us to know how to be good friends. We become His lively stones, built into the temple of His immediacy in us and among us.

Thursday Thirteen #8: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I was trying to think of something that I could write quickly, due to the brevity of time available. After spending six or seven years on the Internet, I thought that it would be very easy to come up with thirteen advantages and disadvantages of e-mails, blogs, and message boards.

1. IT'S GOOD!--You can go all over the world from your typing chair.

2. IT'S BAD!--People that you don't even know and that have no frame of reference for your remarks can completely misconstrue what you're trying to say can erupt into a ball of flames (which is why it's called "flaming") and denounce you for having an idea that you would never even consider.

3. IT'S GOOD!--Depending on how you're set up, it can be a lot cheaper than calling.

4. IT'S BAD!--Spammers can use your carefully crafted message board for cheap advertising. Some of the things that they're selling are pretty tough to look at, much less endorse.

5. IT'S GOOD!--You can do mass e-mails and tell a group your wonderful news with one note and one SEND.

6. IT'S BAD!--If they don't check their e-mail for awhile, or there among those that regard their e-mail as being more like a newspaper than a phone call, you may never know what they thought about the wonderful news, or if they ever got it.

7. IT'S GOOD!--Sometimes, people are more candid when they don't have a face in front of them to intimidate them. Some of the deepest and most personal conversations that I've ever had have been held over the Internet.

8. IT'S BAD!--The opposite is also true--caution gets thrown to the wind when you don't have to look at a pained reaction (see #2).

9. IT'S GOOD!--You can throw a question onto a forum and have a variety of people from all walks of life look at it. Your odds of finding an answer to a question increase.

10. IT'S BAD!--There seem to be some in every crowd that can't imagine how a functional human being wouldn't have that information already, and they feel the need to be insulting (see #2 and #8).

11. IT'S GOOD!--It's the cheap and easily accessible venue for publishing your writings.

12. IT'S BAD!--It's also a cheap and easily accessible venue for misinformation. You have to learn to check out the veracity of some of the amazing and shocking bulletins that you receive before you forward them to everyone that you know.

13. IT'S GOOD!--During a particularly introverted time in my life, I collected some of my best friends ever through my message board involvement. The healing and guiding presence of God in our life can tip the scales in our favor!

Thursday Thirteen #7: Why I Say It

Today, I was thinking of one of those distinctive things that I do that make me a little bit different. I wanted to give thirteen reasons why I do it, even though I have to accompany it with a lot of musing on what's appropriate in a given situation, and occasionally end up being misunderstood.

I tell the people in my life "I love you" as often as I can.

That doesn't sound all that strange, until you realize that very few of the people in my life are blood relatives, and that about half of my platonic friends are male, and that none of the males in my life are "relationships"--I don't see where "relationships" would fit into the present dynamic, and I'm not actively seeking for such. I try not to use those words specifically with those that seem uncomfortable with the phrase, since there are other ways to express it, but I do try to convey the idea. Part of being quick to hear and slow to speak is the search for wisdom that goes on in the interim.

1. One thing that got the ball rolling is when a young man that's more like a brother than a friend said "I love you" to me on the message board in his typical uninhibited Latin manner. We both knew that he didn't mean it "that way". (I generally have the brains not to do such an exchange with someone that might take it "that way".) He has a highly developed concept of the family of God, and an appreciation for the people that God's put in his life.

2. Another issue that came up at about the same time was the stories I would hear about people on their deathbed that expressed their regret that they hadn't told the people in their life more often that they loved them. Well, that's easy enough to fix. You have to be willing to take the risk of making a moment uncomfortably real, but that's probably better than having last-moment regrets.

3. Peter tells us "....see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently...." (I Peter 1:22). That would probably surface somewhere. We may as well let it out.

4. I know from experience how much random acts of kindness mean to someone who's feeling empty and alone. That also makes it worth the risk.

5. Every day is full of put-downs from many different sources, some of them internal. It's good to give someone a place to come in out of the rain with a few words.

6. Love has to be the purest reflection and glory of a God who is not described as having love, but as being love. Of course, our actions have to match our words, and we have to have the humility to apologize when they don't.

7. One of the greatest ways to demonstrate to the world that something genuinely different is going on is to live out the one big, happy family concept. "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:35).

8. In the middle of the night, when life is trying to crash in on their heads, people know that they can probably get you out of bed without a rebuke if you care enough to actually say the words. Trust me on that one.

9. We tend to assume that those we love will assume that we love them. We should instead assume that most would rather not be left just to assume. I think that this is particularly true of women, but is probably the case with everyone to some degree.

10. Love heals. I've watched it happen. Those most damaged most need to not be left to assume.

11. Love casts out fear. It's harder to feel alone and helpless with the words of community still freshly filling your soul.

12. Love takes us beyond self-interest. We can choose to be more focused on the needs of the person that we love for affirmation than our trepidation that we may lose face.

13. Love never fails. It's stronger than death. We can breathe more real life into the living with three simple words. Who wouldn't want to do that?