Recently, a movie called The Bucket List illustrated the goals that two terminal patients wanted to achieve before the end came and they "kicked the bucket". I'm not writing mine because I expect to die anytime soon, since the chronic malady of whatever nature seems to be waning on the whole, but because I had this question in my heart for some time that keeps asking me 'what do you want?' rather persistently. In the past, interesting things that shouldn't have been possible (or simple, at least) have unfolded before my wondering eyes when I've dared to ask for some of the things that I deeply wanted to experience. I'm thinking that I should step over the disappointments and start asking again.
1. I want to go back to school, and get a degree that's an active choice rather than the best of a small and limited selection of choices. The longer I go, the more I lean toward some sort of human service or Sociology degree. There are a lot of people who need a lot of help. I would like to become a licensed clergyperson, whatever major I took. For a lot of the things that I want to do, it might be a helpful door-opener. I would also love to pick up whatever study tools they could show me. A lot of the people I've known have done that through correspondence.
2. I'd like to have the energy to get out all the instructional material that I've got for such things as guitars and piano and various languages and put them to use. I think I'll make that one happen to some degree, eventually.
3. I would like to be healthy again--enough said there. I would particularly like to be at a healthy weight. I've actually found some things that substantially help, so that's encouraging.
4. I would like to meet all of my online friends in person, at least once.
5. I would like to have a stable, secure living situation that "felt right". I'm very grateful for the present degree of stability that I have after what's happened in the last two years of my life, but it's not the best fit. I hope that's not too terribly ungrateful.
6. I would like to put my feet on two lands for which I've done a lot of prayer: the Omaha reservation, and Israel. The former may happen within the next few weeks!
7. Appropriately in the "7" slot is my dream of seeing the 77s live and fully staffed, and getting a copy of the new album as the moment unfolds. That also actually has a chance of happening if I can find a way to get to Ames, IA on June 24th!
8. I would like to see my son in a stable and enjoyable career. I put this in the "8" slot, because it's said to be symbolic of new beginnings.
9. I wouldn't mind being in a stable career myself. I'd like to have one that complemented the type of ministry into which so much of my heart has been invested.
10. I would like for the isolation created by the astronomical gas prices and my income of late to be resolved. It somehow doesn't feel right to be missing this much of people, events, opportunities, etc.
11. As my father's child still, I would love to own a good horse that lived right outside my window.
12. I want to have my inner man strengthened to know the height, depth, breadth and length of the love of Christ, according to Eph. 3. I'd really like to be so convinced that it never entered my mind to question it. When I read the life of Paul and some others that were 110% serious about God, I find it easier to grasp that He loves despite all the things that have happened.
13. I would like to figure out the nature of this vast, unmet, nameless need in the depths of my being, and have it fulfilled.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Thursday Thirteen #9: Lively Stones
1 Peter 2:5
"you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ."
I was thinking the other day about how some of the people I've met have seem to stick. That's not happened with everyone I've met, but some have gone the distance. I wanted to list thirteen characteristics that I think are important to building relationships that last.
1. Honesty--You know when someone's not being straight with you (or find out in unhappy ways), and it creates discomfort and distrust.
2. Consideration--Paul tells us in Eph. 4:15 to speak our truth in love. Love thinks the best, and puts things in the most harmless light that it can.
3. Listening--Another good scripture on relationships is James 1:19. It starts out, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak...."
4. Patience--The rest of the verse says, "....and slow to become angry." A valuable person merits some self-control on our part when they're not at their best.
5. Loyalty--We can sometimes hear unflattering things about our friends in the oddest places. It behooves us to present their good side, whether or not it leaves the conversation comfortably flattering to us.
6. Diligence--Our circumstances sometimes make it hard for us to do a good job of keeping regular contact, but the effort that someone takes to send the briefest greeting are so appreciated!
7. Helpfulness--Life can be a handful. Coming alongside a friend that's struggling tells them that they're not alone. I'll be at a horse funeral this weekend for a friend that's had the old guy for well more than 20 years, because that's what friends do. Friends also help put the fence back up after the backhoe leaves.
8. Sharing--Among my most meaningful possessions are my books and albums. I've passed out copies of several friends' albums to several friends so that they could share the experience.
9. Laughing--I love the times when a conversation takes off into gales of glee. Those moments get remembered long after others are forgotten. I have a sense of humor that ranges deep into the theatre of the absurd at times, and I value the people in my life that don't look at me funny when I'm weaving strange tales.
10. Weeping--True friends are the ones that don't leave when things aren't fun anymore. I it when I have people suffering states away that I can't be near.
11. Planning--Fun is often more fun in groups. I have a concert coming up next month that I just might be able to make if all goes ideally, and am wondering if I should seek out a travelling companion.
12. Remembering--It's possible to rehash the event for years after the fact, particularly if someone brings the camera.
13. Praying--I try to wrap prayer in and through everything. With prayer, we form the threefold cord that's not easily broken. We help carry the weight of career transitions and troubled children, and draw farther into the presence of God together. He is the best friend that makes it possible for us to know how to be good friends. We become His lively stones, built into the temple of His immediacy in us and among us.
"you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ."
I was thinking the other day about how some of the people I've met have seem to stick. That's not happened with everyone I've met, but some have gone the distance. I wanted to list thirteen characteristics that I think are important to building relationships that last.
1. Honesty--You know when someone's not being straight with you (or find out in unhappy ways), and it creates discomfort and distrust.
2. Consideration--Paul tells us in Eph. 4:15 to speak our truth in love. Love thinks the best, and puts things in the most harmless light that it can.
3. Listening--Another good scripture on relationships is James 1:19. It starts out, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak...."
4. Patience--The rest of the verse says, "....and slow to become angry." A valuable person merits some self-control on our part when they're not at their best.
5. Loyalty--We can sometimes hear unflattering things about our friends in the oddest places. It behooves us to present their good side, whether or not it leaves the conversation comfortably flattering to us.
6. Diligence--Our circumstances sometimes make it hard for us to do a good job of keeping regular contact, but the effort that someone takes to send the briefest greeting are so appreciated!
7. Helpfulness--Life can be a handful. Coming alongside a friend that's struggling tells them that they're not alone. I'll be at a horse funeral this weekend for a friend that's had the old guy for well more than 20 years, because that's what friends do. Friends also help put the fence back up after the backhoe leaves.
8. Sharing--Among my most meaningful possessions are my books and albums. I've passed out copies of several friends' albums to several friends so that they could share the experience.
9. Laughing--I love the times when a conversation takes off into gales of glee. Those moments get remembered long after others are forgotten. I have a sense of humor that ranges deep into the theatre of the absurd at times, and I value the people in my life that don't look at me funny when I'm weaving strange tales.
10. Weeping--True friends are the ones that don't leave when things aren't fun anymore. I it when I have people suffering states away that I can't be near.
11. Planning--Fun is often more fun in groups. I have a concert coming up next month that I just might be able to make if all goes ideally, and am wondering if I should seek out a travelling companion.
12. Remembering--It's possible to rehash the event for years after the fact, particularly if someone brings the camera.
13. Praying--I try to wrap prayer in and through everything. With prayer, we form the threefold cord that's not easily broken. We help carry the weight of career transitions and troubled children, and draw farther into the presence of God together. He is the best friend that makes it possible for us to know how to be good friends. We become His lively stones, built into the temple of His immediacy in us and among us.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Thursday Thirteen #8: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
I was trying to think of something that I could write quickly, due to the brevity of time available. After spending six or seven years on the Internet, I thought that it would be very easy to come up with thirteen advantages and disadvantages of e-mails, blogs, and message boards.
1. IT'S GOOD!--You can go all over the world from your typing chair.
2. IT'S BAD!--People that you don't even know and that have no frame of reference for your remarks can completely misconstrue what you're trying to say can erupt into a ball of flames (which is why it's called "flaming") and denounce you for having an idea that you would never even consider.
3. IT'S GOOD!--Depending on how you're set up, it can be a lot cheaper than calling.
4. IT'S BAD!--Spammers can use your carefully crafted message board for cheap advertising. Some of the things that they're selling are pretty tough to look at, much less endorse.
5. IT'S GOOD!--You can do mass e-mails and tell a group your wonderful news with one note and one SEND.
6. IT'S BAD!--If they don't check their e-mail for awhile, or there among those that regard their e-mail as being more like a newspaper than a phone call, you may never know what they thought about the wonderful news, or if they ever got it.
7. IT'S GOOD!--Sometimes, people are more candid when they don't have a face in front of them to intimidate them. Some of the deepest and most personal conversations that I've ever had have been held over the Internet.
8. IT'S BAD!--The opposite is also true--caution gets thrown to the wind when you don't have to look at a pained reaction (see #2).
9. IT'S GOOD!--You can throw a question onto a forum and have a variety of people from all walks of life look at it. Your odds of finding an answer to a question increase.
10. IT'S BAD!--There seem to be some in every crowd that can't imagine how a functional human being wouldn't have that information already, and they feel the need to be insulting (see #2 and #8).
11. IT'S GOOD!--It's the cheap and easily accessible venue for publishing your writings.
12. IT'S BAD!--It's also a cheap and easily accessible venue for misinformation. You have to learn to check out the veracity of some of the amazing and shocking bulletins that you receive before you forward them to everyone that you know.
13. IT'S GOOD!--During a particularly introverted time in my life, I collected some of my best friends ever through my message board involvement. The healing and guiding presence of God in our life can tip the scales in our favor!
1. IT'S GOOD!--You can go all over the world from your typing chair.
2. IT'S BAD!--People that you don't even know and that have no frame of reference for your remarks can completely misconstrue what you're trying to say can erupt into a ball of flames (which is why it's called "flaming") and denounce you for having an idea that you would never even consider.
3. IT'S GOOD!--Depending on how you're set up, it can be a lot cheaper than calling.
4. IT'S BAD!--Spammers can use your carefully crafted message board for cheap advertising. Some of the things that they're selling are pretty tough to look at, much less endorse.
5. IT'S GOOD!--You can do mass e-mails and tell a group your wonderful news with one note and one SEND
6. IT'S BAD!--If they don't check their e-mail for awhile, or there among those that regard their e-mail as being more like a newspaper than a phone call, you may never know what they thought about the wonderful news, or if they ever got it.
7. IT'S GOOD!--Sometimes, people are more candid when they don't have a face in front of them to intimidate them. Some of the deepest and most personal conversations that I've ever had have been held over the Internet.
8. IT'S BAD!--The opposite is also true--caution gets thrown to the wind when you don't have to look at a pained reaction (see #2).
9. IT'S GOOD!--You can throw a question onto a forum and have a variety of people from all walks of life look at it. Your odds of finding an answer to a question increase.
10. IT'S BAD!--There seem to be some in every crowd that can't imagine how a functional human being wouldn't have that information already, and they feel the need to be insulting (see #2 and #8).
11. IT'S GOOD!--It's the cheap and easily accessible venue for publishing your writings.
12. IT'S BAD!--It's also a cheap and easily accessible venue for misinformation. You have to learn to check out the veracity of some of the amazing and shocking bulletins that you receive before you forward them to everyone that you know.
13. IT'S GOOD!--During a particularly introverted time in my life, I collected some of my best friends ever through my message board involvement. The healing and guiding presence of God in our life can tip the scales in our favor!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Thursday Thirteen #7: Why I Say It
Today, I was thinking of one of those distinctive things that I do that make me a little bit different. I wanted to give thirteen reasons why I do it, even though I have to accompany it with a lot of musing on what's appropriate in a given situation, and occasionally end up being misunderstood.
I tell the people in my life "I love you" as often as I can.
That doesn't sound all that strange, until you realize that very few of the people in my life are blood relatives, and that about half of my platonic friends are male, and that none of the males in my life are "relationships"--I don't see where "relationships" would fit into the present dynamic, and I'm not actively seeking for such. I try not to use those words specifically with those that seem uncomfortable with the phrase, since there are other ways to express it, but I do try to convey the idea. Part of being quick to hear and slow to speak is the search for wisdom that goes on in the interim.
1. One thing that got the ball rolling is when a young man that's more like a brother than a friend said "I love you" to me on the message board in his typical uninhibited Latin manner. We both knew that he didn't mean it "that way". (I generally have the brains not to do such an exchange with someone that might take it "that way".) He has a highly developed concept of the family of God, and an appreciation for the people that God's put in his life.
2. Another issue that came up at about the same time was the stories I would hear about people on their deathbed that expressed their regret that they hadn't told the people in their life more often that they loved them. Well, that's easy enough to fix. You have to be willing to take the risk of making a moment uncomfortably real, but that's probably better than having last-moment regrets.
3. Peter tells us "....see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently...." (I Peter 1:22). That would probably surface somewhere. We may as well let it out.
4. I know from experience how much random acts of kindness mean to someone who's feeling empty and alone. That also makes it worth the risk.
5. Every day is full of put-downs from many different sources, some of them internal. It's good to give someone a place to come in out of the rain with a few words.
6. Love has to be the purest reflection and glory of a God who is not described as having love, but as being love. Of course, our actions have to match our words, and we have to have the humility to apologize when they don't.
7. One of the greatest ways to demonstrate to the world that something genuinely different is going on is to live out the one big, happy family concept. "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:35).
8. In the middle of the night, when life is trying to crash in on their heads, people know that they can probably get you out of bed without a rebuke if you care enough to actually say the words. Trust me on that one.
9. We tend to assume that those we love will assume that we love them. We should instead assume that most would rather not be left just to assume. I think that this is particularly true of women, but is probably the case with everyone to some degree.
10. Love heals. I've watched it happen. Those most damaged most need to not be left to assume.
11. Love casts out fear. It's harder to feel alone and helpless with the words of community still freshly filling your soul.
12. Love takes us beyond self-interest. We can choose to be more focused on the needs of the person that we love for affirmation than our trepidation that we may lose face.
13. Love never fails. It's stronger than death. We can breathe more real life into the living with three simple words. Who wouldn't want to do that?
I tell the people in my life "I love you" as often as I can.
That doesn't sound all that strange, until you realize that very few of the people in my life are blood relatives, and that about half of my platonic friends are male, and that none of the males in my life are "relationships"--I don't see where "relationships" would fit into the present dynamic, and I'm not actively seeking for such. I try not to use those words specifically with those that seem uncomfortable with the phrase, since there are other ways to express it, but I do try to convey the idea. Part of being quick to hear and slow to speak is the search for wisdom that goes on in the interim.
1. One thing that got the ball rolling is when a young man that's more like a brother than a friend said "I love you" to me on the message board in his typical uninhibited Latin manner. We both knew that he didn't mean it "that way". (I generally have the brains not to do such an exchange with someone that might take it "that way".) He has a highly developed concept of the family of God, and an appreciation for the people that God's put in his life.
2. Another issue that came up at about the same time was the stories I would hear about people on their deathbed that expressed their regret that they hadn't told the people in their life more often that they loved them. Well, that's easy enough to fix. You have to be willing to take the risk of making a moment uncomfortably real, but that's probably better than having last-moment regrets.
3. Peter tells us "....see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently...." (I Peter 1:22). That would probably surface somewhere. We may as well let it out.
4. I know from experience how much random acts of kindness mean to someone who's feeling empty and alone. That also makes it worth the risk.
5. Every day is full of put-downs from many different sources, some of them internal. It's good to give someone a place to come in out of the rain with a few words.
6. Love has to be the purest reflection and glory of a God who is not described as having love, but as being love. Of course, our actions have to match our words, and we have to have the humility to apologize when they don't.
7. One of the greatest ways to demonstrate to the world that something genuinely different is going on is to live out the one big, happy family concept. "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:35).
8. In the middle of the night, when life is trying to crash in on their heads, people know that they can probably get you out of bed without a rebuke if you care enough to actually say the words. Trust me on that one.
9. We tend to assume that those we love will assume that we love them. We should instead assume that most would rather not be left just to assume. I think that this is particularly true of women, but is probably the case with everyone to some degree.
10. Love heals. I've watched it happen. Those most damaged most need to not be left to assume.
11. Love casts out fear. It's harder to feel alone and helpless with the words of community still freshly filling your soul.
12. Love takes us beyond self-interest. We can choose to be more focused on the needs of the person that we love for affirmation than our trepidation that we may lose face.
13. Love never fails. It's stronger than death. We can breathe more real life into the living with three simple words. Who wouldn't want to do that?
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Thursday Thirteen #6: Transported
It's time I got back on the horse with my Thursday Thirteen list!
The subject of art having a satisfying depth sent me on a quest to identify 13 songs that have that something extra that actually transports me as I listen. I hope there's a song in there that will either be one to which someone else can also relate, or discover one among the lesser-known titles that can transport them.
1. "Hold Dearly to Me"
This one has held the position as my favorite for years....hide me, drape me, closely and safely. The place of connection to God with all of our heart and mind is the safest one that we'll ever find. We have these comments from Mike on the 77s message board: "This song was a desperate prayer written at 3 AM in a very frightened frame of mind. For some reason, I decided to try and perform it as a Van Morrison "period piece" circa 1970-72, so the whole approach to the guitars sprang from that vision. I was fortunate enough to have seen Van's live show a number of times in the early 70's so I remember the vibe very clearly.The electric guitar part is pure John Platania, his guitarist from back then, while the acoustic strumming is a direct inspiration from Van The Man himself. The piano and horns were arranged and mixed accordingly."
2. "Carry on Wayward Son"
Besides being representative of Kansas' unusual and intricate arrangements, the song also carries an important message --in a very superficial world that puts pressure on you to put on your own charade, remember Whose opinion really counts in the end.
3. "Lean on Me"
It's another one of my all-time favorites. When I hear this one, I remember moments of give and take with friends that are the stuff that give life depth.
4. "Drift Away"
Dobie Gray performs one of the two songs that I've included that are directly on the subject of the power of music to lift the listener out of a dark state of mind. For me, it not only discussed but achieves that end.
5. "Jazzman"
Carole King does an extended live performance of "Jazzman" that describes the transporting quality of good music as a spiritual encounter. It's rather telling that she relates to scenarios from Christian revival meetings, which haven't to my knowledge ever been part of her own philosophical outlook.
6. "Baker Street"
The bridge, and really the arrangement as a whole, is a launch pad to some amazing place. The lyric is about the practice of "busking", or street performance. It's an interesting commentary on the uneven process of recreating hope from disappointment with ourselves and how our goals have materialized. It's a shame that Gerry Rafferty and Stealer's Wheel bogged down in legal battles--it gives a vaguely prophetic quality to the lyric.
7. "The Road"
The link contains the original lyrics by Terry Talbot and clips of a recorded version by our friend Kyle Knapp that illustrate the haunting quality of the music behind stories of offering Jesus to tired runaways that haven't found that for which they went searching.
8. "The Theme from 'Peanuts' "
I get happy every time I hear the opening bars of this piano piece.
9. "Love Like Gold"
I have some complicated mixed feelings on the subject of romance. I remember thinking the first time that I heard that song that I'd found some empathy. It gets me on a train of thought about what could be.
10. "Summer Breeze"
Here's another one on the simple joys of living in a romance that speaks to me even though I've never had the experience.
11. "Shine"
Besides the fact that it contains some really hot guitar licks in my humble opinion, it puts me much in mind of the search that's described in this passage in Acts 17:24-28:
"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'
12. "Grace Like Rain"
Todd Agnew's takeoff of the classic "Amazing Grace" has afforded me an emotional connection to the acceptance communicated in the grace of God to us every time I've heard it. I thought that the set of slides on this video carried some compelling images.
13. "Do It for Love"
I wish I could find a sound clip for this one--it's full of contagious joy, and will really get a live show audience up and moving. It reminds me of Jesus' exhortation to the disciples to throw that net out just one more time, even though they were tired of trying. Sometimes we have to choose to grab onto hope again after a long dry spell, because we are well-loved.
The subject of art having a satisfying depth sent me on a quest to identify 13 songs that have that something extra that actually transports me as I listen. I hope there's a song in there that will either be one to which someone else can also relate, or discover one among the lesser-known titles that can transport them.
1. "Hold Dearly to Me"
This one has held the position as my favorite for years....hide me, drape me, closely and safely. The place of connection to God with all of our heart and mind is the safest one that we'll ever find. We have these comments from Mike on the 77s message board: "This song was a desperate prayer written at 3 AM in a very frightened frame of mind. For some reason, I decided to try and perform it as a Van Morrison "period piece" circa 1970-72, so the whole approach to the guitars sprang from that vision. I was fortunate enough to have seen Van's live show a number of times in the early 70's so I remember the vibe very clearly.The electric guitar part is pure John Platania, his guitarist from back then, while the acoustic strumming is a direct inspiration from Van The Man himself. The piano and horns were arranged and mixed accordingly."
2. "Carry on Wayward Son"
Besides being representative of Kansas' unusual and intricate arrangements, the song also carries an important message --in a very superficial world that puts pressure on you to put on your own charade, remember Whose opinion really counts in the end.
3. "Lean on Me"
It's another one of my all-time favorites. When I hear this one, I remember moments of give and take with friends that are the stuff that give life depth.
4. "Drift Away"
Dobie Gray performs one of the two songs that I've included that are directly on the subject of the power of music to lift the listener out of a dark state of mind. For me, it not only discussed but achieves that end.
5. "Jazzman"
Carole King does an extended live performance of "Jazzman" that describes the transporting quality of good music as a spiritual encounter. It's rather telling that she relates to scenarios from Christian revival meetings, which haven't to my knowledge ever been part of her own philosophical outlook.
6. "Baker Street"
The bridge, and really the arrangement as a whole, is a launch pad to some amazing place. The lyric is about the practice of "busking", or street performance. It's an interesting commentary on the uneven process of recreating hope from disappointment with ourselves and how our goals have materialized. It's a shame that Gerry Rafferty and Stealer's Wheel bogged down in legal battles--it gives a vaguely prophetic quality to the lyric.
7. "The Road"
The link contains the original lyrics by Terry Talbot and clips of a recorded version by our friend Kyle Knapp that illustrate the haunting quality of the music behind stories of offering Jesus to tired runaways that haven't found that for which they went searching.
8. "The Theme from 'Peanuts' "
I get happy every time I hear the opening bars of this piano piece.
9. "Love Like Gold"
I have some complicated mixed feelings on the subject of romance. I remember thinking the first time that I heard that song that I'd found some empathy. It gets me on a train of thought about what could be.
10. "Summer Breeze"
Here's another one on the simple joys of living in a romance that speaks to me even though I've never had the experience.
11. "Shine"
Besides the fact that it contains some really hot guitar licks in my humble opinion, it puts me much in mind of the search that's described in this passage in Acts 17:24-28:
"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'
12. "Grace Like Rain"
Todd Agnew's takeoff of the classic "Amazing Grace" has afforded me an emotional connection to the acceptance communicated in the grace of God to us every time I've heard it. I thought that the set of slides on this video carried some compelling images.
13. "Do It for Love"
I wish I could find a sound clip for this one--it's full of contagious joy, and will really get a live show audience up and moving. It reminds me of Jesus' exhortation to the disciples to throw that net out just one more time, even though they were tired of trying. Sometimes we have to choose to grab onto hope again after a long dry spell, because we are well-loved.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Healing America's Wounds
"A simple apology was all that was needed, but that would have required some humility... "
Today marks the 40th anniversary of the death of civil rights leader Martin Luther King. I think it was no coincidence that we were discussing the seemingly contradictory topics of personal dignity and reconciliation with those who would try to take it from us.
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In a passage from John, Jesus is seen answering accusations from the teachers of the Jewish Law. John 8:14-18 NIV says, "Jesus answered, 'Even if I testify on my own behalf, my testimony is valid, for I know where I came from and where I am going. But you have no idea where I come from or where I am going. You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one. But if I do judge, my decisions are right, because I am not alone. I stand with the Father, who sent me. In your own Law it is written that the testimony of two men is valid. I am one who testifies for myself; my other witness is the Father, who sent me...." By their own standards, He had a viable reason to believe in His own value to a extent that He didn't feel it necessary to do anything beyond disagreeing with their assertion. He was merely standing His ground instead of wrestling with a legitimate threat to His identity.
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As hatred escalated to an unfounded execution by the cruelest means practiced in the Roman culture that governed the Jewish people of that time, He used His dying breath to ask forgiveness for them as He experienced the end result of their ignorance of His value. As He had said, they and no one else had the power to take His life from Him, so nothing was done outside of His consent; it was instead offered willingly to make a new start possible for those who had lost that inner place of peaceful assurance and had turned to outward posturing to try to satisfy the pull of the void. Still, He was proven right in the end to have trusted the scriptures that foreshadowed His resurrection--"For You will not abandon me to Sheol (the place of the dead), neither will You suffer Your holy one [Holy One] to see corruption." Ps. 16:10 AMP. One who trusts and His God are a majority, no matter who or how many may cast doubt. Truth is indestructible. One who does not trust and does not know where they've come from or where they're going is somewhat at the mercy of the opinions of men.
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How do men form their opinions of each other? Paul says, "Consequently, from now on we estimate and regard no one from a [purely] human point of view [in terms of natural standards of value]. [No] even though we once did estimate Christ from a human viewpoint and as a man, yet now [we have such knowledge of Him that] we know Him no longer [in terms of the flesh]." (II Cor. 5:16 AMP). Men, without the benefit of their Creator's perspective, evaluate each other's worth in terms of what may be personally gained or lost by themselves in temporal matters.
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James, thought to be the first bishop of Jerusalem, instructs his flock in the passage from James 2:
1MY BRETHREN, pay no servile regard to people [show no prejudice, no partiality]. Do not [attempt to] hold and practice the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ [the Lord] of glory [together with snobbery]!
2For if a person comes into your congregation whose hands are adorned with gold rings and who is wearing splendid apparel, and also a poor [man] in shabby clothes comes in,
3And you pay special attention to the one who wears the splendid clothes and say to him, Sit here in this preferable seat! while you tell the poor [man], Stand there! or, Sit there on the floor at my feet!
4Are you not discriminating among your own and becoming critics and judges with wrong motives?
5Listen, my beloved brethren: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and in their position as believers and to inherit the kingdom which He has promised to those who love Him?
6But you [in contrast] have insulted (humiliated, dishonored, and shown your contempt for) the poor. Is it not the rich who domineer over you? Is it not they who drag you into the law courts?
7Is it not they who slander and blaspheme that precious name by which you are distinguished and called [the name of Christ invoked in baptism]?
8If indeed you [really] fulfill the royal Law in accordance with the Scripture, You shall love your neighbor as [you love] yourself, you do well.
9But if you show servile regard (prejudice, favoritism) for people, you commit sin and are rebuked and convicted by the Law as violators and offenders.
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Love is the fulfilling of the law, and love values the image of the God that created it, who is Himself love.
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Yet God says of us in Ps. 139:
1O LORD, you have searched me [thoroughly] and have known me.
2You know my downsitting and my uprising; You understand my thought afar off.
3You sift and search out my path and my lying down, and You are acquainted with all my ways.
4For there is not a word in my tongue [still unuttered], but, behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5You have beset me and shut me in--behind and before, and You have laid Your hand upon me.
6Your [infinite] knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high above me, I cannot reach it.
7Where could I go from Your Spirit? Or where could I flee from Your presence?
8If I ascend up into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol (the place of the dead), behold, You are there.
9If I take the wings of the morning or dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10Even there shall Your hand lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me.
11If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me and the night shall be [the only] light about me,
12Even the darkness hides nothing from You, but the night shines as the day; the darkness and the light are both alike to You.
13For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother's womb.
14I will confess and praise You for You are fearful and wonderful and for the awful wonder of my birth! Wonderful are Your works, and that my inner self knows right well.
15My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret [and] intricately and curiously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth [a region of darkness and mystery].
16Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them.
17How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand. When I awoke, [could I count to the end] I would still be with You.
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The first quote is from a friend of mine with whom I share time on a message board. It describes the power to forgive as originating in humility. The English word humility derives from the Latin humilitas, recalling the humus, or earth, from which our seen component is drawn. This is not an incentive for God to ignore us; it arouses His compassion: "....he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." (Ps. 103:14 NIV). It surely should not cause us to direct contempt for each other, since we are in a common state. We dare not forget that we are made of the same stuff as those we may be tempted to cast beneath our feet. The breath of God has transformed dust in ways as diverse as His own personality into creatures who can in small ways touch His artistry, His nurture, His excitement--or pervert the image of His omnipotence into the delusion of unanswered exploitation, thinking that the eternal eyes that made our own have closed.
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What do we do with those whom we've answered that persist in disagreeing with our Creator's affirmation? Matt. 18 describes the process of bringing the matter to them privately, then with another if they won't relent, then another, then the community of God. If they still won't restore their agreement with our dignity, we practice our forgiveness--our cry for mercy rather than punishment on such vulnerable stuff as we ourselves are made--from a safe distance.
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Unfortunately, this doesn't always remedy the emotional weight of the words. In the book Healing America's Wounds by John Dawson, the process of "identification repentance" is described. A representative member of the group that committed the offense that better recognizes the value of the one made seemingly small by words admits that the words were wrong, and the pressure against their trust in their Creator's affirmation is removed. His presence can then fill groups that had previously been keeping Him at arms length with contradictions to His love. Dawson illustrates the principle with numerous examples of how Caucasians and blacks, the children of immigrants and indigenous people, men and women, and others from the spectrum of God's imagination have chosen to say with Him that man was very good, and have experienced His peace at last.
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Joshua, in his instruction to the survivors of the Exodus, said "Choose ye this day...." In our own lives, we can choose to begin to live Dr. King's dream of harmony today.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
A Reason, A Season, and a Lifetime
I’ve been thinking for a couple of weeks now that I need to assemble some thoughts on several different subjects and revive the blog. Tonight, since I’ve felt sort of disconnected despite the many people that I would consider friends in the world, I think I’ll dive back in with a concept that injected reason into one particular difficult process in my life, and added perspective to others. I think the realm of human relationships is fraught with assumptions; we would benefit from not jumping too quickly to conclusions. I hope that taking time to examine and journal the concept will prove the theory of a young pastor in this area that loneliness is disconnection from purpose rather than disconnection from people, and that returning to the process of journaling that has always been such an important part of my life will resolve the matter.
I emerged from eight years in an abusive marriage that followed many years as a sickly, lonely young person with very damaged self-esteem, and some very unrealistic ideas about how men and women get along. I can remember watching a friend get into the car with her husband and wonder if she’d be safe with a guy so much bigger than her once they pulled out of the parking lot. In all reality, I’m sure their ride home was quite pleasant. I had made my experience much too universal. Still, God has his ways of healing and retraining errant perceptions.
Shortly after I finally fled the marriage with my son and filed for divorce, I made a friend in the church that I was attending. Some people thought that our friendship was comical, since he was quite good-looking and my motivation from the start should be obvious. Others thought that he was once again wielding his nefarious charms on a woman. After all, he’d abused his first wife so badly that she divorced him, and he was probably setting the same thing up again, since people don’t change—by the way, why do we say this in Christian churches that talk about the new creature? I’d like to think that there was quite a bit more going on with the relationship than met the eye. We were friends, which had a great deal more meaning to me than being asked out. One unusual feature of my life is that I’ve always had almost as many, if not more, platonic male friends than female ones. I certainly would have fled at the first sign of any stalking or other manipulative behavior. He was, in fact, the guy that defied the odds and humbled himself before God for correction for as long as it took to genuinely fix the condition of the heart that had led him to intimidate and terrorize his family. He had won my profound respect for this, and I had won his through the kind of involvement and compassion that leads someone to spring out of a chair because someone across the room is struggling to pull a large rack through a doorway by themselves while everyone minds their own business.
We got together to talk now and then, so I didn’t think that being asked over was too remarkable. He floored me by sitting down with a notebook and pen to ask me what I would want out of a dating relationship. I was a little shocked, but certainly felt safe discussing it with him. He never expressed disapproval for my confusion and misgivings on the subject. We’d had the time as friends to build some trust. Being paid that compliment restored some of the dignity that I’d lost through being told that I would never be good enough for anyone. It was good to feel that safe and that wanted with someone male, since I’d always been more comfortable with men anyway as a definite Daddy’s girl. It went a long way to rebalancing my world, as did our subsequent conversations and visits. Then, things got confusing.
He’d forewarned me that, if the nearly impossible phenomenon of a reunion with his ex-wife ever took place, he would feel obligated to return to that marriage. He was speaking more in theory than actual concern that it would happen when he said it. In the unpredictable way things sometimes unfold, though, that’s exactly what began to happen shortly after our dating conversation. He had never pressed the matter of visitation with his daughters in hopes of them wanting on their own to see him if he allowed them to heal, and this did happen due to a combination of economic pressure on their mother and the curiosity of the baby of the family about the father that she was too young to remember when he left. She became willing to explore visitation as she filed for child support modifications. One thing led to another over the course of time. The day that I heard the recording that announced that his number had been disconnected, I knew that they’d reconciled. The phone call before that had been answered by a woman, and I’d taken the coward’s way out by claiming that I’d gotten a wrong number.
The pain that I experienced during that time was excruciating. I remember watching the lights in the room seem to dim. I wondered at times if I was going mad. I’m sure most people don’t break up with this much pain, but this was a separation not only from a person, but from a restored hope for wholeness that I’d rested on the frail shoulders of a well-intended but finite fellow human being. I couldn’t understand why God had allowed such profound suffering to occur—why did we get together in the first place if it wouldn’t mean anything in the end? What hurt the most is the fact that there was no final opportunity to know what was happening. He’d said some vague things, since he worried about hurting me, that hadn’t clearly prepared me for what he’d chosen to do.
In the midst of the vacillating pain, hatred alternating with unrequited love, missed moments of the conversation of people of like mind and endless choices to forgive as the cycle repeated itself over and over, I went to a Bible study on the topic of relationships. The hostess read a piece that I desperately did not want to hear, and I really didn’t want a copy of it to take home. I did need what I didn’t want, though. I knew in my heart that it spoke to my questions. I knew that God had given me a hand to lift me out of the mire so that I had the strength to go on to the next things in my life, not an opportunity to give my hand in a marriage that I was far from ready to deal with anyway.
I did some looking, and managed to find a copy of the piece that we read at the Bible study that evening:
__________________________________________________________________
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person or people involved; and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships, and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
__________________________________________________________________
God is faithful.
I emerged from eight years in an abusive marriage that followed many years as a sickly, lonely young person with very damaged self-esteem, and some very unrealistic ideas about how men and women get along. I can remember watching a friend get into the car with her husband and wonder if she’d be safe with a guy so much bigger than her once they pulled out of the parking lot. In all reality, I’m sure their ride home was quite pleasant. I had made my experience much too universal. Still, God has his ways of healing and retraining errant perceptions.
Shortly after I finally fled the marriage with my son and filed for divorce, I made a friend in the church that I was attending. Some people thought that our friendship was comical, since he was quite good-looking and my motivation from the start should be obvious. Others thought that he was once again wielding his nefarious charms on a woman. After all, he’d abused his first wife so badly that she divorced him, and he was probably setting the same thing up again, since people don’t change—by the way, why do we say this in Christian churches that talk about the new creature? I’d like to think that there was quite a bit more going on with the relationship than met the eye. We were friends, which had a great deal more meaning to me than being asked out. One unusual feature of my life is that I’ve always had almost as many, if not more, platonic male friends than female ones. I certainly would have fled at the first sign of any stalking or other manipulative behavior. He was, in fact, the guy that defied the odds and humbled himself before God for correction for as long as it took to genuinely fix the condition of the heart that had led him to intimidate and terrorize his family. He had won my profound respect for this, and I had won his through the kind of involvement and compassion that leads someone to spring out of a chair because someone across the room is struggling to pull a large rack through a doorway by themselves while everyone minds their own business.
We got together to talk now and then, so I didn’t think that being asked over was too remarkable. He floored me by sitting down with a notebook and pen to ask me what I would want out of a dating relationship. I was a little shocked, but certainly felt safe discussing it with him. He never expressed disapproval for my confusion and misgivings on the subject. We’d had the time as friends to build some trust. Being paid that compliment restored some of the dignity that I’d lost through being told that I would never be good enough for anyone. It was good to feel that safe and that wanted with someone male, since I’d always been more comfortable with men anyway as a definite Daddy’s girl. It went a long way to rebalancing my world, as did our subsequent conversations and visits. Then, things got confusing.
He’d forewarned me that, if the nearly impossible phenomenon of a reunion with his ex-wife ever took place, he would feel obligated to return to that marriage. He was speaking more in theory than actual concern that it would happen when he said it. In the unpredictable way things sometimes unfold, though, that’s exactly what began to happen shortly after our dating conversation. He had never pressed the matter of visitation with his daughters in hopes of them wanting on their own to see him if he allowed them to heal, and this did happen due to a combination of economic pressure on their mother and the curiosity of the baby of the family about the father that she was too young to remember when he left. She became willing to explore visitation as she filed for child support modifications. One thing led to another over the course of time. The day that I heard the recording that announced that his number had been disconnected, I knew that they’d reconciled. The phone call before that had been answered by a woman, and I’d taken the coward’s way out by claiming that I’d gotten a wrong number.
The pain that I experienced during that time was excruciating. I remember watching the lights in the room seem to dim. I wondered at times if I was going mad. I’m sure most people don’t break up with this much pain, but this was a separation not only from a person, but from a restored hope for wholeness that I’d rested on the frail shoulders of a well-intended but finite fellow human being. I couldn’t understand why God had allowed such profound suffering to occur—why did we get together in the first place if it wouldn’t mean anything in the end? What hurt the most is the fact that there was no final opportunity to know what was happening. He’d said some vague things, since he worried about hurting me, that hadn’t clearly prepared me for what he’d chosen to do.
In the midst of the vacillating pain, hatred alternating with unrequited love, missed moments of the conversation of people of like mind and endless choices to forgive as the cycle repeated itself over and over, I went to a Bible study on the topic of relationships. The hostess read a piece that I desperately did not want to hear, and I really didn’t want a copy of it to take home. I did need what I didn’t want, though. I knew in my heart that it spoke to my questions. I knew that God had given me a hand to lift me out of the mire so that I had the strength to go on to the next things in my life, not an opportunity to give my hand in a marriage that I was far from ready to deal with anyway.
I did some looking, and managed to find a copy of the piece that we read at the Bible study that evening:
__________________________________________________________________
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person or people involved; and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships, and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
__________________________________________________________________
God is faithful.
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